WEAK TREE

A rolling ball of butcher knives.  I'm sure everyone has heard Jim Irsay's metaphor for newly acquired Indianapolis Colts running back Trent Richardson, but is it warranted?  The Cleveland Browns must have been one of the 10 people who read my first blog post and choked due to my high expectations. Brandon Weeden has since been benched for...Brian Hoyer?  Hoyer spent the first three years of his career as backup to Tom Brady, and actually played two games for Arizona last year posting 330 yards, 1 td, 2 ints, and a fumble. Does Norv Turner see the next Kurt Warner or is Cleveland convinced after losing two winnable games, that its better to tank and punch a ticket in the Clowney/Bridgewater sweepstakes?  Alright thats seven lines too many writing about the Browns.

Last week we had some photo finishes...literally, see below:

LeSean McCoy has created a monster.

In other matchups, Lebron Janikowskiiiiis pulled off the 3 pt upset over Kervin Ray and his Brooklyn Beatdown, if T.Y. Hilton was in the lineup over Antonio Brown Kervin would be one of four 2-0 teams.

And my running backs continue to underperform posting a combined total of 10 points.  Leading to my first L of the season by a measly 6.5 points.  David Wilson snap out of it!


Last week I went 5-2 in my predictions making me 9-5 overall, not too shabby.  Here's what ESPN thinks about our league thus far.

Matchup One- First Loss of the Season

2-0 vs 2-0.  Taylorgang Reed-110(REED) vs Hawaiian Meth Lab-102 (LIL Roz)

Taylorgang Reed is riding high on the shoulders of Peyton Manning posting the highest and second highest team point total in weeks one and two.  This week the Broncos play a rejuvenated Oakland team that believes it should be 2-0 right now.  I feel like a lot of people are expecting a blow-out meaning a ton of points for Manning, but i feel like one of two things will happen in this game.  Two quick scores by the Broncos put them in a situation in which they can unleash their 3 headed running attack and they drain the clock via Knowshon, Montee Ball and Hillman for a boring low scoring affair.  Scenario two is similar except it involves the Raiders keeping it close and using Run DMC and Jam Master Prior to keep the ball out of Mannings hands.  Both Lil Roz and Reed are without their keepers this week with Ray Rice listed and doubtful and Steven Jackson out the next 3-4 weeks. Reed is going with one of Jackson's backups Jason Snelling and Roz is going with the homer pick of Joqiue Bell who is expected to get an increased workload with Reggie Bush not at 100%.  Overall i think Lil Roz will make dog the bounty hunter proud, and put this gang of reeds behind bars.


Matchup Two - Tx Midnight Cock-97 (El Gallo Negro) vs Lebron Janikowskiiiis-110(Boo Bear) "The Honeymoon is over"

After a whirlwind love affair in the land of the rising sun and sensual reunion in Virginia Beach, this bromance is about to be tested for the first time.  El Gallo Negro is treading trying to keep his head above water, but a miserable Thursday night showing from Dwayne Bowe, and Roddy White's questionable status the rooster roster may not have enough fire power to avoid an 0-3 start.  Boo Bear caught in a Catch-22 with his hatred for the Chicago Bears and that fact that Matt Forte (ranked #5 rb in our league) is carrying his team.  Forte and the Bears are licking their chops at the prospect of a nationally televised beat down of old, and  offensively talentless Pittsburgh Steelers.  SPeaking of which, El Gallo Negro is starting Emmanuel Sanders over DeAngelo Williams this week, i know it's PPR but Williams is the workhorse in Carolina now and the Giants defense is terrible.  Either way, the lack of production from the Rooster's WR position will lead to his downfall even though the Boo Bear's flex position has yet to find a productive answer.  Welcome to your first winning record in fantasy football, enjoy it while it lasts.

Matchup Three -  Down South Georgia Boy defends his hetero-life mate's honor.
Chalupa BATMAN-103(Charles Cash) vs the South Beach Rain Makers-108(Swag)

After Swag's recreation of the exploding ape incident of 2011 Charles Cash vows revenge! I know i know i know, only three weeks in and i'm already retracting one of my bold predictions, but i think that Charles Cash has a shot this week.  Rogers is a legitimate start this week, while sproles, and mendenhall are going to be taking part in a shoot out in New Orleans and with Roddy questionable Julio is due for a monster performance.  While Swag has plenty of fire power of his own (i'm really high on knowshon this week) I think that Kaepernick and Tony G are going outperform RG III and Kellen Winslow enough to squeak out a W in an otherwise even matchup.  If I had written this prior to the Thursday night game I would have undoubtedly give the win to Swag but DeSean underperformed and left the back door open for Charles Cash.  NEVER LEAVE THE BACK DOOR OPEN FOR CHARLES CASH ie Pattaya Beach,  Thailand.

Commishes FANDUEL lineup.  (i'm stuck between these two lineups, i may end up entering both)

Eli Manning
Knowshon Moreno
Bernard Pierce
Victor Cruz
Brandon Marshall
Julio Jones
Coby Fleener
Minnesota Vikings

Colin Kaepernick
Frank Gore
Chris Johnson
Pierre Garcon
Tavon Austin
Mike Wallace
Martellus Bennett
Seahawks Defense.

Which would you use? send me a comment team A or team B.

Round up for the rest of the matchups.

One Goal (131) vs Team DopeAssOriental(116)

One Goal gambles on Giovanni and pays off in his first W. Sidenote:  i'm very tempted to gamble on bernard vice bernard pierce in the above lineup but too much of a puss.

Brooklyn Beatdown (105) vs Death Via Aerial Assault (124)

I cannot wait for the Champ's first loss....except it won't be this week.

Stankmeener's Watugondo(116) vs Jay Cutler's Arm(115)

Looks like its going to be a loooong year for Mr. Trexler maybe Andre Johnson would've been a better keeper?

Primetime Leashers of the Week - Commish Predicts who will be the highest scoring players in their respective positions.

QB - Colin Kaepernick - After being publicly embarrassed by the Seahawks Defense last week, Kap bounces back in what I think is going to be the highest scoring game of the week.  Luck and Kap dueling for the title of best Harbaugh coached QB.  Luck will get his too, but Kap is going to put on a show.

RB -Doug Martin -  the obvious would be marshawn vs the terrible jacksonville jaguars, but I just haven't seen anything impressive from the Pats defense to think they can stop the muscle hamster fresh off of two last minute losses, doug-e-doug is going to put up HUGE numbers in a TAMPA UPSET!

RB - Marshawn Lynch - Duh.

WR - Victor Cruz - The panther's secondary was already bad, but add in the loss of charles godfrey and they're just terrible.  Cruz and the Giant receivers will all put up huge numbers, and we all know how much they trust david wilson at this point.

WR - Julio Jones - no roddy white, feed the beast.

TE - Martellus Bennett - Its a homer pick, but Bennett had a huge week in the Chicago media and he'll look to capitalize on the attention with a big game in Prime Time against the sad sad Steelers.

K - Greg Zuerlein - Because no one is better than Greg the Leg.

DEF - Seattle Seahawks - See Marshawn Lynch.

Mardukas Gutcalls-

Ryan Tannehill - A lot of people are questioning Miami's legitimacy at this point even though they took down the Colts last week.  Beating a Super Bowl favorite even though they'll banged up, might gain the phins a little respect.

Giovani Bernard - Like I stated above, i've got a feeling about him this week against the Packers.  The Bengals are going to have to keep up with the Packers, and the best chance they have is using their playmakers.

Josh Gordon - Welcome to the 2013 Season, the browns are going to have to throw the ball 40+ times this game, and i can see Gordon getting at least 15 targets, and catching at least 8. if you're in a pickle and he's out there, i'd roll the dice.


Week three is upon gentlequeers.  2-1 feels a lot better than 1-2, good luck.

As Always...
Kick Rocks,

Mardukas-The Commish.