Ladies and Gentlemen, we've had our first panic trade of the season. I traded away the bane of my existence, David Wilson and Torrey Smith (currently ranked 24th among wrs) for Matthew Trexler's equally disappointing running back Maurice Jones-Drew. Many may be scratching their heads after reading that one, but please step inside the mind of Mardukas. Maurice Jones-Drew only has 19.5 fantasy points thru three games this season tying him with fellow under achieving running backs Ray Rice (who missed last week) and C.J. Spiller (who left last week's game early due to injury), so why would I trade a top 30 w/r in a 14 team ppr league for a past his prime under achieving running back? Because of Adrian Peterson. Peterson started last season with a bang (he found the endzone twice opening day) but averaged only 70 rushing yards through the first three weeks and then...well, we all know what All Day did last year. I know MJD is not AP by any means, but it was just two seasons ago that MJD lead the league in rushing yards, and he's only 28 years old. I think he wakes up this week against the Colts a team in which he's historically torched. The other main reason is because I wanted to start Josh Gordon. I wanted to eliminate the weekly conundrum of choosing between the two. Remember week one? Josh Gordon will be a top 15 w/r this season. David Wilson is a fumble away from being cut, which is sad because I believe in his talent. Maybe next year Dave.
Through the first three weeks of the season my fantasy records are as follows.
Yahoo- Siragusa's Sliders Shack
1-2. Lead by the underachieving Arian Foster, Chris Johnson, Colin Kaepernick and DeSean Jackson(last week at least.)
ESPN -
Somali Pirates Only -
1-2. Ranked last place for points scored, didn't draft a qb and paying the price for it. Trent Richardson hasn't gotten it going yet, and we'll see if my MJD prediction will prove true.
Foreman's Heros -
2-1.
DIA Enterprise -
1-2. This is the most frustrating 1-2 of them all because my team is stacked and just can't catch a break. Andrew Luck, Jamal Charles, Reggie Bush, AJ Green, Larry Fitz, Jimmy Graham, and Pierrce Garcon starting. Dwayne Bowe, Cecil Shorts, and Ryan Matthews highlight my bench. I will win that league.
NFL.com -
ShuttheChuckUp-
1-2. Both losses to my siblings, but at least i beat the wife right?
Alvari Unite -
1-2. Family league, once the bye weeks begin Mardukas will rise.
XXFL-
2-1.
CBS Sports -
3-6. This is one of my favorite leagues, its an IDP PPR league and you play 3 teams per week. I thought i was going to go 3-0 going into MNF with Moreno and Run DMC to play....yeah ended up 1-2.
Heres the Commish's first bold prediction of the week. I will be at .500 or better in all of my league this week.
12-8 overall in my picks with El Gallo Negro taking down the Janikowskiis on the back of Demarco Murray, and Brooklyn Beatdown was one of the thousands of benefactors of Antonio Brown's explosion last sunday night resulting in The Champ's first L of the season. Sorry Swag....I told you about the backdoor and Charles Cash.
This week, i'm going to put the Somali Pirates League on a BYE week and dedicate this week's post to Siragusa's Slider's Shack. Although i'm not the commissioner, I did create the league 6 years ago, but due to lack of yahoo access during deployments, i had to step down. Either way, its my longest running league, and my great white buffalo. Lest not we forget the playoff team debacle of 2010 in which i went from having a bye week to having to play the 8 seed and losing by 4 pts, only to have outscored all of my potential opponents the following weeks. Bitter. Yes.
Matchup 1 - Battle of the longest tenured team names.(and first place) Go Dan 2-1 (144) vs Team Olson 3-0(120)
Our league currently has only one 3-0 team that is being managed by Mrs. Ashley Olson-Knowlton-Rogers. In three of her four years in our league she has drafted Aaron Rogers as her QB which in the HICAG is downright blasphemy. Needless to say she's come close but has never won the big one. This week she is playing Dan Coll, manager of Go Dan. Both teams are suffering due to their lack of Packers, with Olson missing both Rogers and Finley and Go Dan missing Randall Cobb and James Jones, the schedule could not have been more perfect for either of these team due mainly on that fact. Its going to come down to who drafted the better bench. Go Dan is going with two high risk medium reward players in T.Y. Hilton and Kendall Wright subbing in for his cheeseheads, while Team Olson is bringing is Big Ben who will be playing in front of Big Ben in London this week, and the Lawfirm in her flex spot where she started finley last week. All I can say is..YUCK. I wouldn't start ANY of those four players. Dan Coll seems to be taking Roddy White's injury seriously, and is sitting him this week against the Pats, which i believe to be a mistake. Its week four, primetime, Roddy comes back in a big way this week. Team Olson is starting the Lawfirm AND Rashard Mendenhall this week, while sitting Ben Tate and Ryan Matthews on the bench. Personally, i'd flip flop right there because as good as Seattle's Defense is, it's not impossible to run on them and Tate has been getting just as many looks and has been AS effective as Arian Foster, and I'd pick Matthews over the Lawfirm mainly due to emergence of Gio Bernard (my new favorite running back). Ashley, go pick Alex Smith or Carson Palmer both will outscore Big Ben who's playing in London where no one ever does anything fantasy relevant (except Matt Forte). When it's all said and done i think Go Dan will claim the top spot in the Birds of War division due to MONSTER days from Megatron and Jamal Charles. Tuesday afternoon you will find Dan Coll enjoying a cup of victory soup...alone on a bench.
Matchup 2- Child Abuse. The SCREAMING Ditkas 1-2 (140) vs Raider Nation 1-2 (142)
Last year's champion Benjamin Dale Knowlton is one of the many owners pulling their hair out due to C.J Spiller. Pair that with Reggie's Bush and Eddie Lacy's early injuries and you have a 1-2 team. This week he tries to turn things around against his dear old dad Steve Knowlton and the Screaming Ditkas. Ditka started this week with a solid performance from Anquan Boldin putting up 21 pts, which will help the fact the Steve is stuck with the enigma that is David Wilson, but i guess to can always sleep well knowing you have Adrian Peterson as your number 1 back. Benny is in a very similar situation as his Pops with C.J. Spiller, but having the luxury of Marshawn Lynch as his number one. The X factor in this matchup, much like most fantasy matchups, will be the flex spot. The Ditkas are hoping Eli bounces back from last week's shit show and feeds the ball to Hakeem Nicks (NOT Victor Cruz who is a part of Raider Nation), whereas Raider Nation is banking on the fact the Reggie Bush is close to 100% and proves week one wasn't a fluke. This one will be close, but i think the Matt Ryan to Julio Jones connection will prove too much for the Nation.
Matchup 3 - The Worst 2-1 teams in history. Password is Taco 2-1 (122) vs TM (154)
Both teams have already had someone play in the thursday night game with two very different outcomes. TM had the benefit of starting Frank Gore and Taco stuck with Vernon Davis who isn't 100% but managed to get in the endzone to save the day from becoming an absolute stinker. Taco is starting DeAngelo WIlliams on his bye week with 15 hours until kickoff. His substitute options are Ahmad Bradshaw (ruled out) and Steve Jackson (ruled out). Well good this he has...Bernard Pierce?? to fall back on. Well maybe his wide receivers will bail him out, Dez Bryant, Mike Wallace and Michael Floyd. Dez has a nice matchup against San Diego who's given up more receiving yards than any team in the league, and i've got a gut feeling that the Phins are going to put up big numbers while trying to keep up with the Saints on monday night, but Michael Floyd has no business starting on anyone's roster at this point in the season. TM (it's actually the trademark symbol) came up with a huge upset last week, taking down Jaycutty Bustanutty in a matchup that turned out to be the a battle of the week's two highest scoring teams. TM manager Ernie Alvinito is reaping benefits of garbage time extraordinaire Cecil Shorts, who has 16 catches on 29 targets over the last two weeks resulting in 236 yards! This is an easy one mostly due to Taco's lack of running backs. Papa Ernie might be taking over the division this week.
Mardukas' Fan Duel Lineups - (last week i pulled out knowshon, pierce and fleener for gio bernard, joique bell and antonio gates = 75 bucks!)
Ryan Tannehill
Doug Martin
Maurice Jones-Drew
Santonio Holmes
Dez Bryant
Brandon Marshall
Heath Miller
Dan Bailey
Bengals
Peyton Manning
LeSean McCoy
Lamar Miller
Calvin Johnson
Denarius Moore
Terrance Miller
Delanie Walker
Robbie Gould
Bears
I tried to pair both teams with all but guaranteed studs and a couple of high risk high reward players. I think the Phins, even after beating Atlanta last week, still need to prove themselves. What better way than on Monday Night Football against a high power offense in the New Orleans Saints? My gut says 300 yards 2td game for Tanny, which should be more than enough to get me in the money if my other players perform to their averages. Terrance Miller is a pure gut call, with Miles Austin out and the rookie getting the start I think the former track star gets behind the defense that will be focusing on Dez Bryant for a 50 yard td this week.
Last Week's Primetime leashers was an epic fail, so much so that i've retired the segment after one week.
On the other end of the spectrum Mardukas' Gutcalls were right on the money!
This week:
Quarterback - Matt Flynn - Confirmed yesterday that Flynn would start, and this might be his last shot. A man with nothing to lose and everything to gain against the worst pass defense in the league..did you noticed i'm playing Denarius Moore in fanduel?
Running - Doug Martin - here's the call. Martin is the highest scoring back in the NFL this week. Rookie quarterback, no tight end, who's he going to dump the ball to? Muscle Hamster. Minimum of 8 receptions, and 225 total yards and he finds the endzone. You read it here.
Tight End - Delanie Walker - I liked what I saw last week from Delanie and Jake Locker. Walker had 5 receptions for 50 yards last week and should've had a touchdown. I think Locker may have finally tapped into the potential that once had him projected as the #1 overall pick in the draft. Walker gets into the endzone this week.
Wide Receiver - Terrance Miller - See Above.
Hour and a half until kick off Ds!
Kicks Rocks,
Mardukas.
PS: 5 dollars says David Wilson breaks 100 yards and gets in the endzone this week now that i've traded him. Comment if you want in on that action.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
WEAK TREE
A rolling ball of butcher knives. I'm sure everyone has heard Jim Irsay's metaphor for newly acquired Indianapolis Colts running back Trent Richardson, but is it warranted? The Cleveland Browns must have been one of the 10 people who read my first blog post and choked due to my high expectations. Brandon Weeden has since been benched for...Brian Hoyer? Hoyer spent the first three years of his career as backup to Tom Brady, and actually played two games for Arizona last year posting 330 yards, 1 td, 2 ints, and a fumble. Does Norv Turner see the next Kurt Warner or is Cleveland convinced after losing two winnable games, that its better to tank and punch a ticket in the Clowney/Bridgewater sweepstakes? Alright thats seven lines too many writing about the Browns.
Last week we had some photo finishes...literally, see below:
LeSean McCoy has created a monster.
In other matchups, Lebron Janikowskiiiiis pulled off the 3 pt upset over Kervin Ray and his Brooklyn Beatdown, if T.Y. Hilton was in the lineup over Antonio Brown Kervin would be one of four 2-0 teams.
And my running backs continue to underperform posting a combined total of 10 points. Leading to my first L of the season by a measly 6.5 points. David Wilson snap out of it!
Last week I went 5-2 in my predictions making me 9-5 overall, not too shabby. Here's what ESPN thinks about our league thus far.
Matchup One- First Loss of the Season
2-0 vs 2-0. Taylorgang Reed-110(REED) vs Hawaiian Meth Lab-102 (LIL Roz)
Taylorgang Reed is riding high on the shoulders of Peyton Manning posting the highest and second highest team point total in weeks one and two. This week the Broncos play a rejuvenated Oakland team that believes it should be 2-0 right now. I feel like a lot of people are expecting a blow-out meaning a ton of points for Manning, but i feel like one of two things will happen in this game. Two quick scores by the Broncos put them in a situation in which they can unleash their 3 headed running attack and they drain the clock via Knowshon, Montee Ball and Hillman for a boring low scoring affair. Scenario two is similar except it involves the Raiders keeping it close and using Run DMC and Jam Master Prior to keep the ball out of Mannings hands. Both Lil Roz and Reed are without their keepers this week with Ray Rice listed and doubtful and Steven Jackson out the next 3-4 weeks. Reed is going with one of Jackson's backups Jason Snelling and Roz is going with the homer pick of Joqiue Bell who is expected to get an increased workload with Reggie Bush not at 100%. Overall i think Lil Roz will make dog the bounty hunter proud, and put this gang of reeds behind bars.
Matchup Two - Tx Midnight Cock-97 (El Gallo Negro) vs Lebron Janikowskiiiis-110(Boo Bear) "The Honeymoon is over"
After a whirlwind love affair in the land of the rising sun and sensual reunion in Virginia Beach, this bromance is about to be tested for the first time. El Gallo Negro is treading trying to keep his head above water, but a miserable Thursday night showing from Dwayne Bowe, and Roddy White's questionable status the rooster roster may not have enough fire power to avoid an 0-3 start. Boo Bear caught in a Catch-22 with his hatred for the Chicago Bears and that fact that Matt Forte (ranked #5 rb in our league) is carrying his team. Forte and the Bears are licking their chops at the prospect of a nationally televised beat down of old, and offensively talentless Pittsburgh Steelers. SPeaking of which, El Gallo Negro is starting Emmanuel Sanders over DeAngelo Williams this week, i know it's PPR but Williams is the workhorse in Carolina now and the Giants defense is terrible. Either way, the lack of production from the Rooster's WR position will lead to his downfall even though the Boo Bear's flex position has yet to find a productive answer. Welcome to your first winning record in fantasy football, enjoy it while it lasts.
Matchup Three - Down South Georgia Boy defends his hetero-life mate's honor.
Chalupa BATMAN-103(Charles Cash) vs the South Beach Rain Makers-108(Swag)
After Swag's recreation of the exploding ape incident of 2011 Charles Cash vows revenge! I know i know i know, only three weeks in and i'm already retracting one of my bold predictions, but i think that Charles Cash has a shot this week. Rogers is a legitimate start this week, while sproles, and mendenhall are going to be taking part in a shoot out in New Orleans and with Roddy questionable Julio is due for a monster performance. While Swag has plenty of fire power of his own (i'm really high on knowshon this week) I think that Kaepernick and Tony G are going outperform RG III and Kellen Winslow enough to squeak out a W in an otherwise even matchup. If I had written this prior to the Thursday night game I would have undoubtedly give the win to Swag but DeSean underperformed and left the back door open for Charles Cash. NEVER LEAVE THE BACK DOOR OPEN FOR CHARLES CASH ie Pattaya Beach, Thailand.
Commishes FANDUEL lineup. (i'm stuck between these two lineups, i may end up entering both)
Eli Manning
Knowshon Moreno
Bernard Pierce
Victor Cruz
Brandon Marshall
Julio Jones
Coby Fleener
Minnesota Vikings
Colin Kaepernick
Frank Gore
Chris Johnson
Pierre Garcon
Tavon Austin
Mike Wallace
Martellus Bennett
Seahawks Defense.
Which would you use? send me a comment team A or team B.
Round up for the rest of the matchups.
One Goal (131) vs Team DopeAssOriental(116)
One Goal gambles on Giovanni and pays off in his first W. Sidenote: i'm very tempted to gamble on bernard vice bernard pierce in the above lineup but too much of a puss.
Brooklyn Beatdown (105) vs Death Via Aerial Assault (124)
I cannot wait for the Champ's first loss....except it won't be this week.
Stankmeener's Watugondo(116) vs Jay Cutler's Arm(115)
Looks like its going to be a loooong year for Mr. Trexler maybe Andre Johnson would've been a better keeper?
Primetime Leashers of the Week - Commish Predicts who will be the highest scoring players in their respective positions.
QB - Colin Kaepernick - After being publicly embarrassed by the Seahawks Defense last week, Kap bounces back in what I think is going to be the highest scoring game of the week. Luck and Kap dueling for the title of best Harbaugh coached QB. Luck will get his too, but Kap is going to put on a show.
RB -Doug Martin - the obvious would be marshawn vs the terrible jacksonville jaguars, but I just haven't seen anything impressive from the Pats defense to think they can stop the muscle hamster fresh off of two last minute losses, doug-e-doug is going to put up HUGE numbers in a TAMPA UPSET!
RB - Marshawn Lynch - Duh.
WR - Victor Cruz - The panther's secondary was already bad, but add in the loss of charles godfrey and they're just terrible. Cruz and the Giant receivers will all put up huge numbers, and we all know how much they trust david wilson at this point.
WR - Julio Jones - no roddy white, feed the beast.
TE - Martellus Bennett - Its a homer pick, but Bennett had a huge week in the Chicago media and he'll look to capitalize on the attention with a big game in Prime Time against the sad sad Steelers.
K - Greg Zuerlein - Because no one is better than Greg the Leg.
DEF - Seattle Seahawks - See Marshawn Lynch.
Mardukas Gutcalls-
Ryan Tannehill - A lot of people are questioning Miami's legitimacy at this point even though they took down the Colts last week. Beating a Super Bowl favorite even though they'll banged up, might gain the phins a little respect.
Giovani Bernard - Like I stated above, i've got a feeling about him this week against the Packers. The Bengals are going to have to keep up with the Packers, and the best chance they have is using their playmakers.
Josh Gordon - Welcome to the 2013 Season, the browns are going to have to throw the ball 40+ times this game, and i can see Gordon getting at least 15 targets, and catching at least 8. if you're in a pickle and he's out there, i'd roll the dice.
Week three is upon gentlequeers. 2-1 feels a lot better than 1-2, good luck.
As Always...
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas-The Commish.
Last week we had some photo finishes...literally, see below:
In other matchups, Lebron Janikowskiiiiis pulled off the 3 pt upset over Kervin Ray and his Brooklyn Beatdown, if T.Y. Hilton was in the lineup over Antonio Brown Kervin would be one of four 2-0 teams.
And my running backs continue to underperform posting a combined total of 10 points. Leading to my first L of the season by a measly 6.5 points. David Wilson snap out of it!
Last week I went 5-2 in my predictions making me 9-5 overall, not too shabby. Here's what ESPN thinks about our league thus far.
Matchup One- First Loss of the Season
2-0 vs 2-0. Taylorgang Reed-110(REED) vs Hawaiian Meth Lab-102 (LIL Roz)
Taylorgang Reed is riding high on the shoulders of Peyton Manning posting the highest and second highest team point total in weeks one and two. This week the Broncos play a rejuvenated Oakland team that believes it should be 2-0 right now. I feel like a lot of people are expecting a blow-out meaning a ton of points for Manning, but i feel like one of two things will happen in this game. Two quick scores by the Broncos put them in a situation in which they can unleash their 3 headed running attack and they drain the clock via Knowshon, Montee Ball and Hillman for a boring low scoring affair. Scenario two is similar except it involves the Raiders keeping it close and using Run DMC and Jam Master Prior to keep the ball out of Mannings hands. Both Lil Roz and Reed are without their keepers this week with Ray Rice listed and doubtful and Steven Jackson out the next 3-4 weeks. Reed is going with one of Jackson's backups Jason Snelling and Roz is going with the homer pick of Joqiue Bell who is expected to get an increased workload with Reggie Bush not at 100%. Overall i think Lil Roz will make dog the bounty hunter proud, and put this gang of reeds behind bars.
Matchup Two - Tx Midnight Cock-97 (El Gallo Negro) vs Lebron Janikowskiiiis-110(Boo Bear) "The Honeymoon is over"
After a whirlwind love affair in the land of the rising sun and sensual reunion in Virginia Beach, this bromance is about to be tested for the first time. El Gallo Negro is treading trying to keep his head above water, but a miserable Thursday night showing from Dwayne Bowe, and Roddy White's questionable status the rooster roster may not have enough fire power to avoid an 0-3 start. Boo Bear caught in a Catch-22 with his hatred for the Chicago Bears and that fact that Matt Forte (ranked #5 rb in our league) is carrying his team. Forte and the Bears are licking their chops at the prospect of a nationally televised beat down of old, and offensively talentless Pittsburgh Steelers. SPeaking of which, El Gallo Negro is starting Emmanuel Sanders over DeAngelo Williams this week, i know it's PPR but Williams is the workhorse in Carolina now and the Giants defense is terrible. Either way, the lack of production from the Rooster's WR position will lead to his downfall even though the Boo Bear's flex position has yet to find a productive answer. Welcome to your first winning record in fantasy football, enjoy it while it lasts.
Matchup Three - Down South Georgia Boy defends his hetero-life mate's honor.
Chalupa BATMAN-103(Charles Cash) vs the South Beach Rain Makers-108(Swag)
After Swag's recreation of the exploding ape incident of 2011 Charles Cash vows revenge! I know i know i know, only three weeks in and i'm already retracting one of my bold predictions, but i think that Charles Cash has a shot this week. Rogers is a legitimate start this week, while sproles, and mendenhall are going to be taking part in a shoot out in New Orleans and with Roddy questionable Julio is due for a monster performance. While Swag has plenty of fire power of his own (i'm really high on knowshon this week) I think that Kaepernick and Tony G are going outperform RG III and Kellen Winslow enough to squeak out a W in an otherwise even matchup. If I had written this prior to the Thursday night game I would have undoubtedly give the win to Swag but DeSean underperformed and left the back door open for Charles Cash. NEVER LEAVE THE BACK DOOR OPEN FOR CHARLES CASH ie Pattaya Beach, Thailand.
Commishes FANDUEL lineup. (i'm stuck between these two lineups, i may end up entering both)
Eli Manning
Knowshon Moreno
Bernard Pierce
Victor Cruz
Brandon Marshall
Julio Jones
Coby Fleener
Minnesota Vikings
Colin Kaepernick
Frank Gore
Chris Johnson
Pierre Garcon
Tavon Austin
Mike Wallace
Martellus Bennett
Seahawks Defense.
Which would you use? send me a comment team A or team B.
Round up for the rest of the matchups.
One Goal (131) vs Team DopeAssOriental(116)
One Goal gambles on Giovanni and pays off in his first W. Sidenote: i'm very tempted to gamble on bernard vice bernard pierce in the above lineup but too much of a puss.
Brooklyn Beatdown (105) vs Death Via Aerial Assault (124)
I cannot wait for the Champ's first loss....except it won't be this week.
Stankmeener's Watugondo(116) vs Jay Cutler's Arm(115)
Looks like its going to be a loooong year for Mr. Trexler maybe Andre Johnson would've been a better keeper?
Primetime Leashers of the Week - Commish Predicts who will be the highest scoring players in their respective positions.
QB - Colin Kaepernick - After being publicly embarrassed by the Seahawks Defense last week, Kap bounces back in what I think is going to be the highest scoring game of the week. Luck and Kap dueling for the title of best Harbaugh coached QB. Luck will get his too, but Kap is going to put on a show.
RB -Doug Martin - the obvious would be marshawn vs the terrible jacksonville jaguars, but I just haven't seen anything impressive from the Pats defense to think they can stop the muscle hamster fresh off of two last minute losses, doug-e-doug is going to put up HUGE numbers in a TAMPA UPSET!
RB - Marshawn Lynch - Duh.
WR - Victor Cruz - The panther's secondary was already bad, but add in the loss of charles godfrey and they're just terrible. Cruz and the Giant receivers will all put up huge numbers, and we all know how much they trust david wilson at this point.
WR - Julio Jones - no roddy white, feed the beast.
TE - Martellus Bennett - Its a homer pick, but Bennett had a huge week in the Chicago media and he'll look to capitalize on the attention with a big game in Prime Time against the sad sad Steelers.
K - Greg Zuerlein - Because no one is better than Greg the Leg.
DEF - Seattle Seahawks - See Marshawn Lynch.
Mardukas Gutcalls-
Ryan Tannehill - A lot of people are questioning Miami's legitimacy at this point even though they took down the Colts last week. Beating a Super Bowl favorite even though they'll banged up, might gain the phins a little respect.
Giovani Bernard - Like I stated above, i've got a feeling about him this week against the Packers. The Bengals are going to have to keep up with the Packers, and the best chance they have is using their playmakers.
Josh Gordon - Welcome to the 2013 Season, the browns are going to have to throw the ball 40+ times this game, and i can see Gordon getting at least 15 targets, and catching at least 8. if you're in a pickle and he's out there, i'd roll the dice.
Week three is upon gentlequeers. 2-1 feels a lot better than 1-2, good luck.
As Always...
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas-The Commish.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
WEAK TOO
Week One Round Up
Carried by big games from Randall Cobb, Andrew Luck, LeSean McCoy and Jason Witten ,Death Via Aerial Assault (started off as worst team name ever but is now a hallmark of the league) dropped 133.5 on Lebron Janikowski's respectable 112. The Champ still has some cause for alarm when looking at the productivity from his flex and second receiver spots, combining for a dismel 16 pts, but luckily he played the team with the WORST production from those same positions with Lebron's #2 wr and flex combining for a WHOOPING 2.5 pts from Mike Wallace and Chris Ivory. Yikes. Guess Mr. Crosby was out to prove the Commish right last week by sticking with Ivory.
Speaking of horrible production...Jay Cutler's number one fan Matthew Trexler had one of the worst week's i've ever seen from his skill positions players. If you don't count Marques Colston's 14.5 pts, Cutler's arm put out an absolute Jaguar-esque performance. 13.5 point from his starting running backs, #2 receiver and flex spot combined! Colston outscored all 4 of them combined, and colston had an average week. Disgusting matthew, simply disgusting. His one bright-spot was the breakout week from Jared Cook, but it feels as though it was wasted whilst contributing to this despicable excuse of a football team. Only to make matters worse, Cutler's arm was playing against Peyton Manning who could have actually be sat this week my Taylor Gang Reed and it still would have resulted in a victory. Vereen went off thanks to Steven Ridley coming down with a case of fumblitis, only to injure his wrist and end his fantasy relevance for at least the next 8 weeks.
Young Roz had been counting down the days to savage diddy kong week 1, and his dream came true when solid overall production from his stable but not flashy team took out BoBo's high risk medium reward team of unproven backs and homer flex pick. Both team managers got to root for their opponents home team while Magilla watched in dismay as Megatron's 20 yard TD was wiped away and Brandon Marshall picked right where he left off last season as Jay Cutler's favorite target. It may have ended in an L for Caeser, but both Lacy and Richardson showed albeit brief flashes of potential, which is all you can ask from rookie rbs week one...and week 2 and week 3 and and week 5 and week 6. I'd understand taking 1 rookie rb as a flex, and maybe another for stash on the bench, but to depend on three as main backs is just foolish.
The future president of Georgia almost made the Commish look silly last week had he only started Denarius Moore vice Michael Bush...hmmm number wide receiver or back up running back? Who shall i started? IDIIIIIIOT. My other two predictions didn't pan out too well. The browns looked god awful, one of the many disadvantages to living in FL is having to endure their horrible football teams, so i had plenty of time to brood over my browns prediction as the dolphins and brown put on one of the worst displays of football
i've ever witnessed. My tight end prediction will probably hold true via Thomas of the Broncos, and this week dwayne allen is injured, so my boy fleener has a shot to prove me right.
Last week I went 4-3 in my league predictions, with Mo, Dao and Reed all proving the commish wrong. Heres our ESPN Power Rankings for week 1.
Matchup 1: Broken Rib Revenge
South Beach Rain Makers VS One Goal
Every year when Congo plays Barksdale, the entire league is reminded of one of the greatest moments in Chippy History. For those of you who don't Anthony Barksdale....he's big. Former UCONN Huskie's Fullback big. And the little ape....is just that, a little furry, slow moving, top heavy ape. The legend goes as follows, during a pick up game of football, the little ape that could caught a dump pass in the backfield and stormed forward at a yawn enducing 6 mph sprint. In the process he was able to get passed an even less athletic and more out of shape man (Quincy Boston) which triggered a lifetime of football dreams and aspiration to flash inside the apes tiny simeon brain. During this momentary enlargement of athletic hubris, the ape managed to get ahead of the defense...with only one thing standing between the creature and the endzone it galloped forward. Anthony Barksdale 6'0 250lbs (at least thats what his rivals.com profile states), had to think twice as he realized that not only was there an escaped baby gorilla running with a football, but the ape had just dropped it's shoulder and was attempting to run THROUGH him! Brace for shock. In an explosion of ape fur and scraps of blue t-shirt, the ape went soaring through the air, landed with a sickening thud onto the point of the football and exhaled this sound http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cVlTeIATBs. This week will figuratively end the same way.
Matchup 2: Chippy PR Royal Rumble
Midnight CocK Vs Team Lesner
There is no loved lost between these two heavy weights. This rivalry has been going on for almost 5 years, dating back to when Brock ate one of Andy's taco's he was saving in the PR Shop fridge. You don't mess with El Gallo Negro's tacos brock. you just don't. Lesnar like so many others got the full Danny Amendola effect just one week into the season, and is now stuck with starting Marlon Brown in his flex spot. Roddy White is active for today's game, but how productive he'll be is in question due to an ankle injury. The Cowboys offensive looked impressive last week and if El Gallo Negro is going to win this week, he's going to need big weeks from both Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray. Lesnar on the other has to forgotten fantasy studs starting at w/r, with Miles Austin and Hakeem Nicks, who are both 100% for the first time in over a year. They were both considered their team's #1 receivers going into last season and both look plenty able to reclaim every week start value. This rarely happens, but i believe this game is going to come down to the tight end position. If Manning continues to feed Thomas like last week this could get ugly, but the Chargers are going to have to throw the ball A LOT to keep up with Philly's high-octane offense, which could be a return to relevance for folk hero antonio gates. I think the Lesner pulls this one out in the end.
3 minutes to kick off got to wrap this up.
Stankmeener vs Taylor Gang - The student becomes the teacher, Taylor goes 2-0.
Brooklyn Beatdown vs Lebron Janikowskiii - Janikowskii replaced Ivory with my all time most hated fantasy football player, Nate Washington. Beatdown will treat Lebron like the Bulls are going to opening night.
Cutler's Arm vs The Champ - The Champ continues his Reign and continues where he left off last season.
Roz vs Cash - Slap bet revenge. Sorry buddy.
Gametime.
As Always...
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas - The Commish.
Carried by big games from Randall Cobb, Andrew Luck, LeSean McCoy and Jason Witten ,Death Via Aerial Assault (started off as worst team name ever but is now a hallmark of the league) dropped 133.5 on Lebron Janikowski's respectable 112. The Champ still has some cause for alarm when looking at the productivity from his flex and second receiver spots, combining for a dismel 16 pts, but luckily he played the team with the WORST production from those same positions with Lebron's #2 wr and flex combining for a WHOOPING 2.5 pts from Mike Wallace and Chris Ivory. Yikes. Guess Mr. Crosby was out to prove the Commish right last week by sticking with Ivory.
Speaking of horrible production...Jay Cutler's number one fan Matthew Trexler had one of the worst week's i've ever seen from his skill positions players. If you don't count Marques Colston's 14.5 pts, Cutler's arm put out an absolute Jaguar-esque performance. 13.5 point from his starting running backs, #2 receiver and flex spot combined! Colston outscored all 4 of them combined, and colston had an average week. Disgusting matthew, simply disgusting. His one bright-spot was the breakout week from Jared Cook, but it feels as though it was wasted whilst contributing to this despicable excuse of a football team. Only to make matters worse, Cutler's arm was playing against Peyton Manning who could have actually be sat this week my Taylor Gang Reed and it still would have resulted in a victory. Vereen went off thanks to Steven Ridley coming down with a case of fumblitis, only to injure his wrist and end his fantasy relevance for at least the next 8 weeks.
Young Roz had been counting down the days to savage diddy kong week 1, and his dream came true when solid overall production from his stable but not flashy team took out BoBo's high risk medium reward team of unproven backs and homer flex pick. Both team managers got to root for their opponents home team while Magilla watched in dismay as Megatron's 20 yard TD was wiped away and Brandon Marshall picked right where he left off last season as Jay Cutler's favorite target. It may have ended in an L for Caeser, but both Lacy and Richardson showed albeit brief flashes of potential, which is all you can ask from rookie rbs week one...and week 2 and week 3 and and week 5 and week 6. I'd understand taking 1 rookie rb as a flex, and maybe another for stash on the bench, but to depend on three as main backs is just foolish.
The future president of Georgia almost made the Commish look silly last week had he only started Denarius Moore vice Michael Bush...hmmm number wide receiver or back up running back? Who shall i started? IDIIIIIIOT. My other two predictions didn't pan out too well. The browns looked god awful, one of the many disadvantages to living in FL is having to endure their horrible football teams, so i had plenty of time to brood over my browns prediction as the dolphins and brown put on one of the worst displays of football
i've ever witnessed. My tight end prediction will probably hold true via Thomas of the Broncos, and this week dwayne allen is injured, so my boy fleener has a shot to prove me right.
Last week I went 4-3 in my league predictions, with Mo, Dao and Reed all proving the commish wrong. Heres our ESPN Power Rankings for week 1.
Matchup 1: Broken Rib Revenge
South Beach Rain Makers VS One Goal
Every year when Congo plays Barksdale, the entire league is reminded of one of the greatest moments in Chippy History. For those of you who don't Anthony Barksdale....he's big. Former UCONN Huskie's Fullback big. And the little ape....is just that, a little furry, slow moving, top heavy ape. The legend goes as follows, during a pick up game of football, the little ape that could caught a dump pass in the backfield and stormed forward at a yawn enducing 6 mph sprint. In the process he was able to get passed an even less athletic and more out of shape man (Quincy Boston) which triggered a lifetime of football dreams and aspiration to flash inside the apes tiny simeon brain. During this momentary enlargement of athletic hubris, the ape managed to get ahead of the defense...with only one thing standing between the creature and the endzone it galloped forward. Anthony Barksdale 6'0 250lbs (at least thats what his rivals.com profile states), had to think twice as he realized that not only was there an escaped baby gorilla running with a football, but the ape had just dropped it's shoulder and was attempting to run THROUGH him! Brace for shock. In an explosion of ape fur and scraps of blue t-shirt, the ape went soaring through the air, landed with a sickening thud onto the point of the football and exhaled this sound http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cVlTeIATBs. This week will figuratively end the same way.
Matchup 2: Chippy PR Royal Rumble
Midnight CocK Vs Team Lesner
There is no loved lost between these two heavy weights. This rivalry has been going on for almost 5 years, dating back to when Brock ate one of Andy's taco's he was saving in the PR Shop fridge. You don't mess with El Gallo Negro's tacos brock. you just don't. Lesnar like so many others got the full Danny Amendola effect just one week into the season, and is now stuck with starting Marlon Brown in his flex spot. Roddy White is active for today's game, but how productive he'll be is in question due to an ankle injury. The Cowboys offensive looked impressive last week and if El Gallo Negro is going to win this week, he's going to need big weeks from both Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray. Lesnar on the other has to forgotten fantasy studs starting at w/r, with Miles Austin and Hakeem Nicks, who are both 100% for the first time in over a year. They were both considered their team's #1 receivers going into last season and both look plenty able to reclaim every week start value. This rarely happens, but i believe this game is going to come down to the tight end position. If Manning continues to feed Thomas like last week this could get ugly, but the Chargers are going to have to throw the ball A LOT to keep up with Philly's high-octane offense, which could be a return to relevance for folk hero antonio gates. I think the Lesner pulls this one out in the end.
3 minutes to kick off got to wrap this up.
Stankmeener vs Taylor Gang - The student becomes the teacher, Taylor goes 2-0.
Brooklyn Beatdown vs Lebron Janikowskiii - Janikowskii replaced Ivory with my all time most hated fantasy football player, Nate Washington. Beatdown will treat Lebron like the Bulls are going to opening night.
Cutler's Arm vs The Champ - The Champ continues his Reign and continues where he left off last season.
Roz vs Cash - Slap bet revenge. Sorry buddy.
Gametime.
As Always...
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas - The Commish.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
My Name is Mardukas...and I have a problem.
This being my first year back in the United States (and not floating in the middle of the ocean) for football season, I've joined a few more fantasy football leagues than the four I normally participate in....FIVE more to be exact. Excessive? Yes, BUT its not like they're just leagues with strangers and i'm just a junky looking to get a fix. Anyways, I am the Commissioner for three of these leagues, and as Commissioner i feel obligated to throw in my two cents on what I believe is happening now and what will happen in the weeks to come in MY leagues. Make no mistake, if you're in one of these three leagues with me, you are under my dictatorship. Each week I plan on making predictions, stating the obvious and recapping the previous weeks highlights for at least one of my leagues. This week...my personal favorite, Somali Pirates Only Return to the USA.
Somali Pirates Only is in a 14 team PPR Keeper League in its fourth year of existence and spans the globe with members currently residing all over the planet. The online draft, in which all but three members drafted, had members drafting from California, Florida, wherever Hern lives these days, Japan, the middle east, and onboard an aircraft carrier. Two missing the draft live in Hawaii and New York.
Last year Chad "Pocket Thunder" Thomas won the league as the 6th seed in the playoffs on the back of his hero Tony Romo and...DAAA BEARS defense. His team was autodrafted, but made some clutch adds with the likes of Randall Cobb, Cecil Shorts...and someone dropped Aaron Hernandez for some reason last season? Odds of a repeat...slim to none. Reason? Chad drafted Andrew Luck and Russell Wilson in rounds 5 and 6 before he drafted a number two W/R, his number one being his boy from last year Randall Cobb. I like Cobb but i believe the packers w/r situation is cannibalized between Cobb, Nelson and Jones none of which will be have reliable stats to warrant being a number one or two receiver. ESPN rated his draft a C and stated "we're looking at a potential winner...of the consolation bracket." As I always say "You might not win your league via the draft, but you can certainly lose it," I don't know where i heard it, but I love saying it.
Alright enough of the champ HATE, and on to everyone's favorite segment "Commish Predicts" normally this is based on a week to week basis but since it's week one, it will be my predictions for the Season.
1. Charles Cash will not win a game ALL season. Cash...buddy, what happened? Charles Cash was the surprise manager of the league last year. Placed third overall in his sophomore effort after a rookie season in which he tried drafting both Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. Here's his roster for week 1:
Sorry, i'll find a way to pay you back for all the vomit on your keyboard.
2. Brandon Weeden, Josh Gordon, and Trent Richardson will all be ranked in the fantasy top 15 of their respective positions at the end of the season and the Browns will make the playoffs. I loved the way Gordon's flashes of brilliance last season, i love the fact that Norv Turner is their offensive coordinator (would have hated if he were the head coach) and I especially love the fact that Trent Richardson is finally 100%.
3. A top 5 tight end is still sitting on the waiver wire as I type this. It MAY be Julius Thomas, who had a solid coming out party vs the ravens, but i'm not reffering specifically to Thomas. That diamond in the rough is waiting for you, but will you choose correctly? I was HUGE on Coby Fleener going into last season, and still believe that the Stanford connection between him and Luck will pay dividends when its all said and done. Dallas Clark is a Raven, taking on the Pitta Roles, and I have this crazy feeling Chip-n-Vick Show is going to feed the tight end this year.
This week's Matchups:
[)eath Via Aerial/-\ssault (DIVA) vs Lebron Janikowskiiiis (LBJ)
The Champ vs The Rook. The Thunder vs The Boo Bear. Wolf-Pac Vs Wolf-Pac. This bromance is about to take their relationship to a whole new level. ESPN had the champ winning 111 to 102, and i'm going to have to agree, not so much the score, but the outcome will be the same. DIVA is sporting a backfield combo os LeSean McCoy and Alfred Morris who will be starring in what I believe will be a obscenely high scoring Monday Night Football game, vs LBJ's Run DMC - Matt Forte Combo. I love my Bears, and I may be watching too much hard knocks, but I think the Bengals defense is the real deal and the new offense may struggle to run against the likes of Geno Atkins, Vontaze Burfict and Ivan Drago..i mean Margus Hunt. McFadden will not make it through the first half. The Flex spot, to me, says a lot about an owner. It shows who's been doing the research, whos willing to take a gamble, and in this case who doesn't know what they're doing. LBJ is starting Chris Ivory in his flex, which clearly means that owner Joshua "Boo Bear" Crosby has lost interest in the league before the season has even started. Meanwhile, Pocket Thunder made up for his Russell Wilson debacle later in the draft when he scooped up Kenbrell Thompkins, who is kool-aid quenching the fantasy world's thirst.
Jay Cutler's Arm(JCA) vs Taylorgang Reed(TR)
Matthew Trexler Taylor Reed
The battle of the best and worst team names in league! TR would be our leagues recipient of Peyton Manning's Fantasy Football week one LOCK, except his number two running back is shane vereen. I will never willingly draft ANYONE listed as a #2 on the depth chart unless A. They're a rookie who WILL take the starting job by years end IE Giovanni Bernard, or B. They've fallen so far in the draft that the value is too good to pass up ie a top 60 player (T.Y. Hilton or Jordy Nelson) in the 10th round. Shane Vereen does not fall anywhere near those categories and does not warrant a flex spot much less a #2 rb spot.(a bye week, maybe). The other this he has going against him is that he's playing Jay Cutler's Arm, and boy oh boy is that thing a canon! All jokes aside, I hate and pick against Trexler's teams every year (yes, i hate his team this year) but for some reason he's always in the hunt and wins more than he loses, so why would this year be any different. Am I allowed to hate Boston again yet? Either way, Trex's combo of Maurice Jone-Drew, Marshawn Lynch and Matthew Stafford should be able to offset TR's Peyton Manning, Steven Jackson, Shane Vareen combo despite Manning's beastly thursday performance. I OWN MANNING IN ONLY ONE OF MY NINE LEAGUES, AND I WON'T EVEN GET INTO DETAILS ON HOW RIDICULOUS THE ROSTERS ARE IN MY BROTHER VS BROTHER 4 TEAM 32 MAN ROSTER LEAGUE. Sorry Taylor, but Taylor is going to be sleeping next to a giant crying Taylor as of monday night.
Finally...my last preview. My favorite matchup of the week.
One Goal(APE) vs Hawaiian Meth Lab (Lil Roz)
Nathan "Insert Monkey Reference" Enterline Josh "Lil Roz" Roznowski
The young Simeon known as Nathan Enterline put all of his eggs into one basket (is that a saying?) when he decided not only to forgo draft a running back in the first round (matt forte was available), but he waited until the 5th, and it was EDDY LACY!! Normally, i'm against fandom driving your draft picks but thats mainly when you reach, and if know the little ape at all you know he's a bears fan and when you have matt forte sitting there ready to back up all of the trash talk you spew on a daily basis...you pass, and take a goddamn packer. Bears fans, i'm sorry...but that is basically the kiss of death. When the bears play the packers, Lacy is going to BREAK RECORDs, forte will not be a factor. Why? Why am I stating such treason? BECAUSE Mighty Joe Young does nothing but benefit from the bear misfortune, and what would be worse is than if the packers actually developed a running game this year. Goddammit. Ok, tangent over. Roz has a good team, Matt Ryan, Ray Rice, Frank Gore, Brandon Marshall, and Steve Smith more than enough to beat Chim Chim....sorry folks, i'm still reeling from the realization that the bears aren't going to the playoffs this season.
Remaining Matchups Whip Around
BROOKLYN BEATDOWN vs Team Lesnar
Lesnar Wins. Brock take out the lawfirm and start miles austin this week. Kervin drop ballard.
Stankmeener's Watugondo?!!! vs RECRUITING TREXS MOM
What was my first prediction of the year again? oh yeah, Stankmeener's got this one.
Team DopeAssOriental vs Tx Midnight CocK
The roster crows tuesday morning with a victory under his comb.
For the record, I never preview my matchups mainly because I always think i'm going to win and no one likes a bragger.
and as always....
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas
The Commish
Somali Pirates Only is in a 14 team PPR Keeper League in its fourth year of existence and spans the globe with members currently residing all over the planet. The online draft, in which all but three members drafted, had members drafting from California, Florida, wherever Hern lives these days, Japan, the middle east, and onboard an aircraft carrier. Two missing the draft live in Hawaii and New York.
Last year Chad "Pocket Thunder" Thomas won the league as the 6th seed in the playoffs on the back of his hero Tony Romo and...DAAA BEARS defense. His team was autodrafted, but made some clutch adds with the likes of Randall Cobb, Cecil Shorts...and someone dropped Aaron Hernandez for some reason last season? Odds of a repeat...slim to none. Reason? Chad drafted Andrew Luck and Russell Wilson in rounds 5 and 6 before he drafted a number two W/R, his number one being his boy from last year Randall Cobb. I like Cobb but i believe the packers w/r situation is cannibalized between Cobb, Nelson and Jones none of which will be have reliable stats to warrant being a number one or two receiver. ESPN rated his draft a C and stated "we're looking at a potential winner...of the consolation bracket." As I always say "You might not win your league via the draft, but you can certainly lose it," I don't know where i heard it, but I love saying it.
Alright enough of the champ HATE, and on to everyone's favorite segment "Commish Predicts" normally this is based on a week to week basis but since it's week one, it will be my predictions for the Season.
1. Charles Cash will not win a game ALL season. Cash...buddy, what happened? Charles Cash was the surprise manager of the league last year. Placed third overall in his sophomore effort after a rookie season in which he tried drafting both Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. Here's his roster for week 1:
| QB | Colin Kaepernick, SF QB | Sun 4:25 | 25 | 164 | 10.3 | -- | 16 | 12th | |||||||
| RB | Darren Sproles, NO RB | Sun 1:00 | 16 | 168.5 | 10.5 | -- | 16 | 25th | |||||||
| RB | Rashard Mendenhall, Ari RB P | Sun 4:25 | 84 | 28.5 | 1.8 | -- | 9.5 | 22nd | |||||||
| WR | Julio Jones, Atl WR | Sun 1:00 | 11 | 212.5 | 13.3 | -- | 17.5 | 31st | |||||||
| WR | Wes Welker, Den WR P | W 49-27 | 7 | 222 | 13.9 | -- | 10 | 13th | |||||||
| TE | Tony Gonzalez, Atl TE | Sun 1:00 | 2 | 181.5 | 11.3 | -- | 12 | 25th | |||||||
| FLEX | Michael Bush, Chi RB | Sun 1:00 | 44 | 71.5 | 4.5 | -- | 8.5 | 14th | |||||||
| D/ST | Falcons D/ST D/ST | Sun 1:00 | 19 | 98 | 6.1 | -- | 0 | 4th | |||||||
| K | Matt Bryant, Atl K P | Sun 1:00 | 3 | 156 | 9.8 | -- | 9 | 21st |
Sorry, i'll find a way to pay you back for all the vomit on your keyboard.
2. Brandon Weeden, Josh Gordon, and Trent Richardson will all be ranked in the fantasy top 15 of their respective positions at the end of the season and the Browns will make the playoffs. I loved the way Gordon's flashes of brilliance last season, i love the fact that Norv Turner is their offensive coordinator (would have hated if he were the head coach) and I especially love the fact that Trent Richardson is finally 100%.
3. A top 5 tight end is still sitting on the waiver wire as I type this. It MAY be Julius Thomas, who had a solid coming out party vs the ravens, but i'm not reffering specifically to Thomas. That diamond in the rough is waiting for you, but will you choose correctly? I was HUGE on Coby Fleener going into last season, and still believe that the Stanford connection between him and Luck will pay dividends when its all said and done. Dallas Clark is a Raven, taking on the Pitta Roles, and I have this crazy feeling Chip-n-Vick Show is going to feed the tight end this year.
This week's Matchups:
[)eath Via Aerial/-\ssault (DIVA) vs Lebron Janikowskiiiis (LBJ)
The Champ vs The Rook. The Thunder vs The Boo Bear. Wolf-Pac Vs Wolf-Pac. This bromance is about to take their relationship to a whole new level. ESPN had the champ winning 111 to 102, and i'm going to have to agree, not so much the score, but the outcome will be the same. DIVA is sporting a backfield combo os LeSean McCoy and Alfred Morris who will be starring in what I believe will be a obscenely high scoring Monday Night Football game, vs LBJ's Run DMC - Matt Forte Combo. I love my Bears, and I may be watching too much hard knocks, but I think the Bengals defense is the real deal and the new offense may struggle to run against the likes of Geno Atkins, Vontaze Burfict and Ivan Drago..i mean Margus Hunt. McFadden will not make it through the first half. The Flex spot, to me, says a lot about an owner. It shows who's been doing the research, whos willing to take a gamble, and in this case who doesn't know what they're doing. LBJ is starting Chris Ivory in his flex, which clearly means that owner Joshua "Boo Bear" Crosby has lost interest in the league before the season has even started. Meanwhile, Pocket Thunder made up for his Russell Wilson debacle later in the draft when he scooped up Kenbrell Thompkins, who is kool-aid quenching the fantasy world's thirst.
Jay Cutler's Arm(JCA) vs Taylorgang Reed(TR)
Matthew Trexler Taylor Reed
The battle of the best and worst team names in league! TR would be our leagues recipient of Peyton Manning's Fantasy Football week one LOCK, except his number two running back is shane vereen. I will never willingly draft ANYONE listed as a #2 on the depth chart unless A. They're a rookie who WILL take the starting job by years end IE Giovanni Bernard, or B. They've fallen so far in the draft that the value is too good to pass up ie a top 60 player (T.Y. Hilton or Jordy Nelson) in the 10th round. Shane Vereen does not fall anywhere near those categories and does not warrant a flex spot much less a #2 rb spot.(a bye week, maybe). The other this he has going against him is that he's playing Jay Cutler's Arm, and boy oh boy is that thing a canon! All jokes aside, I hate and pick against Trexler's teams every year (yes, i hate his team this year) but for some reason he's always in the hunt and wins more than he loses, so why would this year be any different. Am I allowed to hate Boston again yet? Either way, Trex's combo of Maurice Jone-Drew, Marshawn Lynch and Matthew Stafford should be able to offset TR's Peyton Manning, Steven Jackson, Shane Vareen combo despite Manning's beastly thursday performance. I OWN MANNING IN ONLY ONE OF MY NINE LEAGUES, AND I WON'T EVEN GET INTO DETAILS ON HOW RIDICULOUS THE ROSTERS ARE IN MY BROTHER VS BROTHER 4 TEAM 32 MAN ROSTER LEAGUE. Sorry Taylor, but Taylor is going to be sleeping next to a giant crying Taylor as of monday night.
Finally...my last preview. My favorite matchup of the week.
One Goal(APE) vs Hawaiian Meth Lab (Lil Roz)
Nathan "Insert Monkey Reference" Enterline Josh "Lil Roz" Roznowski
The young Simeon known as Nathan Enterline put all of his eggs into one basket (is that a saying?) when he decided not only to forgo draft a running back in the first round (matt forte was available), but he waited until the 5th, and it was EDDY LACY!! Normally, i'm against fandom driving your draft picks but thats mainly when you reach, and if know the little ape at all you know he's a bears fan and when you have matt forte sitting there ready to back up all of the trash talk you spew on a daily basis...you pass, and take a goddamn packer. Bears fans, i'm sorry...but that is basically the kiss of death. When the bears play the packers, Lacy is going to BREAK RECORDs, forte will not be a factor. Why? Why am I stating such treason? BECAUSE Mighty Joe Young does nothing but benefit from the bear misfortune, and what would be worse is than if the packers actually developed a running game this year. Goddammit. Ok, tangent over. Roz has a good team, Matt Ryan, Ray Rice, Frank Gore, Brandon Marshall, and Steve Smith more than enough to beat Chim Chim....sorry folks, i'm still reeling from the realization that the bears aren't going to the playoffs this season.
Remaining Matchups Whip Around
BROOKLYN BEATDOWN vs Team Lesnar
Lesnar Wins. Brock take out the lawfirm and start miles austin this week. Kervin drop ballard.
Stankmeener's Watugondo?!!! vs RECRUITING TREXS MOM
What was my first prediction of the year again? oh yeah, Stankmeener's got this one.
Team DopeAssOriental vs Tx Midnight CocK
The roster crows tuesday morning with a victory under his comb.
For the record, I never preview my matchups mainly because I always think i'm going to win and no one likes a bragger.
and as always....
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas
The Commish
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