Carried by big games from Randall Cobb, Andrew Luck, LeSean McCoy and Jason Witten ,Death Via Aerial Assault (started off as worst team name ever but is now a hallmark of the league) dropped 133.5 on Lebron Janikowski's respectable 112. The Champ still has some cause for alarm when looking at the productivity from his flex and second receiver spots, combining for a dismel 16 pts, but luckily he played the team with the WORST production from those same positions with Lebron's #2 wr and flex combining for a WHOOPING 2.5 pts from Mike Wallace and Chris Ivory. Yikes. Guess Mr. Crosby was out to prove the Commish right last week by sticking with Ivory.
Speaking of horrible production...Jay Cutler's number one fan Matthew Trexler had one of the worst week's i've ever seen from his skill positions players. If you don't count Marques Colston's 14.5 pts, Cutler's arm put out an absolute Jaguar-esque performance. 13.5 point from his starting running backs, #2 receiver and flex spot combined! Colston outscored all 4 of them combined, and colston had an average week. Disgusting matthew, simply disgusting. His one bright-spot was the breakout week from Jared Cook, but it feels as though it was wasted whilst contributing to this despicable excuse of a football team. Only to make matters worse, Cutler's arm was playing against Peyton Manning who could have actually be sat this week my Taylor Gang Reed and it still would have resulted in a victory. Vereen went off thanks to Steven Ridley coming down with a case of fumblitis, only to injure his wrist and end his fantasy relevance for at least the next 8 weeks.
Young Roz had been counting down the days to savage diddy kong week 1, and his dream came true when solid overall production from his stable but not flashy team took out BoBo's high risk medium reward team of unproven backs and homer flex pick. Both team managers got to root for their opponents home team while Magilla watched in dismay as Megatron's 20 yard TD was wiped away and Brandon Marshall picked right where he left off last season as Jay Cutler's favorite target. It may have ended in an L for Caeser, but both Lacy and Richardson showed albeit brief flashes of potential, which is all you can ask from rookie rbs week one...and week 2 and week 3 and and week 5 and week 6. I'd understand taking 1 rookie rb as a flex, and maybe another for stash on the bench, but to depend on three as main backs is just foolish.
The future president of Georgia almost made the Commish look silly last week had he only started Denarius Moore vice Michael Bush...hmmm number wide receiver or back up running back? Who shall i started? IDIIIIIIOT. My other two predictions didn't pan out too well. The browns looked god awful, one of the many disadvantages to living in FL is having to endure their horrible football teams, so i had plenty of time to brood over my browns prediction as the dolphins and brown put on one of the worst displays of football
i've ever witnessed. My tight end prediction will probably hold true via Thomas of the Broncos, and this week dwayne allen is injured, so my boy fleener has a shot to prove me right.
Last week I went 4-3 in my league predictions, with Mo, Dao and Reed all proving the commish wrong. Heres our ESPN Power Rankings for week 1.
Matchup 1: Broken Rib Revenge
South Beach Rain Makers VS One Goal
Every year when Congo plays Barksdale, the entire league is reminded of one of the greatest moments in Chippy History. For those of you who don't Anthony Barksdale....he's big. Former UCONN Huskie's Fullback big. And the little ape....is just that, a little furry, slow moving, top heavy ape. The legend goes as follows, during a pick up game of football, the little ape that could caught a dump pass in the backfield and stormed forward at a yawn enducing 6 mph sprint. In the process he was able to get passed an even less athletic and more out of shape man (Quincy Boston) which triggered a lifetime of football dreams and aspiration to flash inside the apes tiny simeon brain. During this momentary enlargement of athletic hubris, the ape managed to get ahead of the defense...with only one thing standing between the creature and the endzone it galloped forward. Anthony Barksdale 6'0 250lbs (at least thats what his rivals.com profile states), had to think twice as he realized that not only was there an escaped baby gorilla running with a football, but the ape had just dropped it's shoulder and was attempting to run THROUGH him! Brace for shock. In an explosion of ape fur and scraps of blue t-shirt, the ape went soaring through the air, landed with a sickening thud onto the point of the football and exhaled this sound http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cVlTeIATBs. This week will figuratively end the same way.
Matchup 2: Chippy PR Royal Rumble
Midnight CocK Vs Team Lesner
There is no loved lost between these two heavy weights. This rivalry has been going on for almost 5 years, dating back to when Brock ate one of Andy's taco's he was saving in the PR Shop fridge. You don't mess with El Gallo Negro's tacos brock. you just don't. Lesnar like so many others got the full Danny Amendola effect just one week into the season, and is now stuck with starting Marlon Brown in his flex spot. Roddy White is active for today's game, but how productive he'll be is in question due to an ankle injury. The Cowboys offensive looked impressive last week and if El Gallo Negro is going to win this week, he's going to need big weeks from both Tony Romo and DeMarco Murray. Lesnar on the other has to forgotten fantasy studs starting at w/r, with Miles Austin and Hakeem Nicks, who are both 100% for the first time in over a year. They were both considered their team's #1 receivers going into last season and both look plenty able to reclaim every week start value. This rarely happens, but i believe this game is going to come down to the tight end position. If Manning continues to feed Thomas like last week this could get ugly, but the Chargers are going to have to throw the ball A LOT to keep up with Philly's high-octane offense, which could be a return to relevance for folk hero antonio gates. I think the Lesner pulls this one out in the end.
3 minutes to kick off got to wrap this up.
Stankmeener vs Taylor Gang - The student becomes the teacher, Taylor goes 2-0.
Brooklyn Beatdown vs Lebron Janikowskiii - Janikowskii replaced Ivory with my all time most hated fantasy football player, Nate Washington. Beatdown will treat Lebron like the Bulls are going to opening night.
Cutler's Arm vs The Champ - The Champ continues his Reign and continues where he left off last season.
Roz vs Cash - Slap bet revenge. Sorry buddy.
Gametime.
As Always...
Kick Rocks,
Mardukas - The Commish.
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